Friday, December 17, 2010

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a very good girl this year. I have executed countless thankless and demanding tasks with a cheery smile (most of the time). A considerable amount of my time has been spent volunteering under demanding and less-than-glamorous circumstances. This year I have exercised on a regular basis, ate mostly okay (like you are one to judge me) and lent a helping hand whenever needed. In some cases, both hands and both feet.

For Christmas I am not asking for jewels, or furs, or piles of money. I am not even asking for a new car, because let's face it, I will only back it into things and scrape it up against parking garage poles like I do the current one.

What I would like for Christmas is peace.

Although world peace would be wonderful because then I would win the Nobel prize and be on the cover of Time magazine, I would settle for peace in my house. In other words, I want 24 hours of serenity. I could potentially achieve this by going away somewhere with my husband - or send my kids somewhere, like the kennel (dogs, kids...whatever). But, here's the kicker, I want the peace in my home with all five of us present (including the dog, I'm dreaming big here).

What a glorious Christmas miracle it would be to wake up in the morning and have my lovely family all come downstairs dressed in seasonally appropriate clothing with big smiles on their faces. "Good morning saint-mother", they would greet me. After making sure I had a hot cup of coffee and the newspaper they would proceed to make themselves a healthy breakfast. Happily. Without arguing. Or complaining. Afterward they would wash their dishes and trot off to brush their teeth and hair. Without being nagged.

In my Christmas wish it is Saturday, so there would be no need for them to make their own school lunches (again, with healthy fare) or remind themselves that it was time to go to the bus and that they needed to put on jackets, hats and gloves. Instead we would just lounge about for a bit. I would go for a run while they worked on making homemade gifts for the elderly. Happily. Without arguing. Or complaining.

Once I got back from my run I would shower and we would head out for a fun-filled family activity. Perhaps a museum or other educational opportunity. They would thank me for enriching their lives and giving them the opportunity to learn.

Later we would go out to lunch at a restaurant that had table cloths and didn't serve chicken nuggets, tenders or strips. There wouldn't be any hot dogs, hamburgers or pizza either. My children would be excited to try something new to eat that they had never heard of. And like it. Happily. Without arguing. Or complaining.

After lunch we would head home for some rest time. We would all take brief naps to rejuvenate. We may also read silently to relax, or read aloud as a family without any quarreling over what we should read or any interruptions during the reading.

The rest of the day would proceed in this same manner. Family games, cleaning the house, taking the dog for a walk, candlelight dinner with a lively intellectually stimulating discussion about current events. Then, as a family, we would watch a movie that we all agreed upon. Happily. Without arguing. Or complaining.

At the end of the day they would bathe themselves quietly, put on their pajamas, and brush their teeth. Then they would summon my husband and me and perform a modified version of The Sound of Music "So long, farewell". We would read stories and they would turn out their lights and drift off to sleep. Happily. Without arguing. Or complaining.

So Santa, I realize this is a tall order. I hope you will take my request under consideration and make my wildest dreams come true.

Happy Hour Mama

1 comment:

  1. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaah!!!!

    I thought this was a "reality blog" and now I find out it is "fiction"!

    Hey, sister, I hear ya', especially with the bed-time thing. Tonight we were putting our sons to bed, and we sang the same little sweet "goodnight" song we have sung for seven years. The eldest son says, "You know that's a dumb song and I hate it."

    Merry Christmas to you too (of note: Santa and Mrs. Claus have no children of their own. They are smart. They deal with children ONE day per year-- and actually, the kids are asleep!!!)

    --Good Ol' Shmulie (emphasis on the "old")