Saturday, January 15, 2011

I am just like spiderman (kind of)

I have a confession to make. I have a super-power. This isn't something I share with just anyone because either they don't believe me or are completely unimpressed. My super power is the ability to find things. All kinds of things - my things, your things, big things, small things. Anything. Anywhere. And not unlike when Peter Parker is bit by the radioactive spider on the field trip I also had a cataclysmic event.

Shortly after I became engaged to my now-husband we went to stay at a B&B in Vermont. Or Maine. Or one of those states north of Massachusetts. The point is it was February and there was a ridiculous amount of snow. One morning we came out the front door to go on a walk and the storm door snapped shut and banged my hand with the engagement ring on it. The engagement ring was actually my husband's grandmother's who had recently passed. We hadn't thought to have the prongs checked and hadn't gotten around to getting it insured. So when I looked down at my smacked hand I discovered the diamond was gone. I panicked and immediately dropped to my hands and knees in the snow and ice on the front porch and steps. It was a mission of critical importance that I find that diamond. I hadn't even joined the family and already I was the one who lost the diamond from Grandma Russell's ring. Failure was not an option. I crawled around frantically looking for about fifteen minutes and then I found it. Yes, I found a diamond in a bunch of snow and ice. A super-power was born.

When I first realized my ability had risen from mere *gift* to actual *super-power* my husband was skeptical. He attributed it to my extraordinary powers of observation and memory. Okay, so I have those as well, but this ability to finds things rises above simply remembering the last place he had his sunglasses was his golf bag. Especially when 9 times out of 10, if the sunglasses are missing they are in the golf bag. Any amateur can figure that out. The unfortunate consequence of the super-power is now my husband doesn't even bother looking for things. Neither do my children. They just ask me and save themselves the time and energy.

My most recent miraculous find was when my son lost his highly prized shark tooth necklace. He didn't remember the last time he had it so couldn't specify if it was somewhere in the house or otherwise. But my spidey-sense told me it must have fallen off at the soccer field at school the evening before. I went over to the freezing cold soccer field the next morning, more than fifteen hours after we were there. I walked the not-recently-mowed field for about twenty minutes when I was about to admit defeat and head home (mostly because school was starting and I would look like the creepy woman pacing around the soccer field). And there it was - the shark tooth necklace. And my son hasn't touched the thing or given it a second thought since then. If I hadn't found it he would still be whining about it to this day.

But not unlike Peter Parker, my super-power can be both a blessing and a curse. My confidence in my ability to locate things has caused me to develop a severe OCD-like tendency when it comes to things that go missing. I simply cannot accept that an item is gone. I will devote countless hours to locating things that no one else cares about, and technically neither should I. When my children were younger they had a set of assorted small plastic animals. In putting them away one day I realized one of the turtles was missing and was last seen when my kids were playing outside in the yard two days earlier. I spent an hour looking for that tiny dirt colored turtle, and when I finally found him (because of course I did) he had been run over by the lawn mower at some point and was missing a flipper plus he was a bit chewed up. But I didn't care because I had found him and all was right with the world. Another time at the beach I literally tore the house apart looking for the last piece of the puzzle. I wasn't even doing the puzzle.

So if you find yourself missing something and have no idea where to look feel free to give me a call. I am happy to contribute my super-power to your worthy cause. On second thought, don't. I will probably be busy finding my husband's sunglasses.


  1. Oh, Happy Hour Mama, postings like this are EXACTLY why I read your blog. Hi-lar-i-ous. Keep it coming, girlfriend!
    (and, by the way, can you tell me where I left my Virgo Hand Sanitizer? it wasn't quite empty and if it turns out The Husband cavalierly tossed it in the trash when there were a few precious drops left, well, I will be pissed.)
    PS--I have a super-power, and it is my ability to catch things thrown in the air, like keys.

  2. I'm not quite as good as you, but I am also forever finding things for my loved ones who can't find their things. I suppose if we had a neater house, it would be easier.

    Part of my secret seems to be that I am always looking around at things so I'll be able to recall where I saw things. The guys I used to work with always called me "Snoopy"

    I would have made a good detective.

  3. Oh, and I meant to say (before I had to set the timer for reading...) that I think it was the early days of searching for hard contacts that seemed to fall out more than they should was the beginning of my training.